I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
