he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
