either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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