..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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