why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
