my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
