Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
