um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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