Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
