Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
