I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize