2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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