if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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