I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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