I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
