You're earring is so big in my mouth
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
do herpes really smell.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
