What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
