i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Less talking, more tequila
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
