It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
