You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
