This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
