Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
