pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
