I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
