apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
