i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
