it's like iHOP with fire
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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