i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
