Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
