My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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