Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
