We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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