I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
