never play flip cup with pint glasses
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
