oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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