No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
