p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
