Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
