yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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