You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
