He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
