I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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