I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
