i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
