Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
