At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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