Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
