Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
