I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
