i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
