If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Randomize
