at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
