Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize