U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
