do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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