I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
