I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
