Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize