oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
