So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
