Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
