That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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