Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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