It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize