I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
