you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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