Who did Billy Mays play for?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
