I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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