She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
