i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
