you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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