so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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