i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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