I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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