I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
