Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
