im drinking this country out of the recession.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
