she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
