let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
