Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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