i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
