R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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