In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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