ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
