dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Pants are for mortals
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
