Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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