I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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