I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
