Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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