I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
